The Past
In my early twenties, I believed love meant transformation. I met R., a charismatic professional who seemed to see something special in me. At first, his attention felt like validation. He noticed every detail about my appearance, suggesting subtle changes that would make me 'better'.
My body had always been a source of complicated emotions. Living with a hormonal condition that made weight management challenging, I'd struggled with self-image for years. When R. started making suggestions about how I could 'improve' myself, I was vulnerable. Desperate to feel desirable, I listened.
He introduced the corset as a 'confidence tool'. Something that would help me feel more attractive, more controlled. Gradually, what started as an occasional accessory became a requirement. Not just for special occasions, but for intimacy itself. Each time I resisted, he would remind me how lucky I was to have someone who 'cared' enough to help me become my 'best self'.
The Turning Point
The moment of clarity came unexpectedly. During an intimate moment, struggling to breathe, feeling physically constrained and emotionally suffocated, I realized this wasn't love. This was control. This was someone who claimed to care about me while simultaneously demanding I reshape my entire physical existence to meet his narrow definition of acceptable.
I remembered all the times I'd minimized my own discomfort. The painful breathing. The physical restrictions. The constant performance of being someone else's ideal. And in that moment, I understood: true love doesn't demand transformation. True love accepts you.
Looking Back Now
Leaving R. wasn't easy. He weaponized my insecurities, telling me no one else would want me. That I was lucky he saw 'potential' in me. But something inside me had fundamentally shifted. I realized my worth wasn't determined by someone else's approval.
Therapy helped me understand that my body was not a project to be managed, but a home to be respected. I learned about setting boundaries, recognizing emotional manipulation, and valuing myself beyond physical appearance.
The Lesson
Love should never feel like a constant state of performance. Your partner should elevate you, not constantly remind you of your perceived shortcomings. Genuine connection celebrates who you are, not who someone wants you to become.
Today, I wear what makes me comfortable. I move how my body wants to move. I exist fully, authentically, without apology.